Is It Me?

An All New Meaning To Sleight-Of-Hand

2007-10-21T20:24:00.000-07:00

Magician David Copperfield is in the FBI's crosshairs following an alleged rape charge. Agents searched a Las Vegas warehouse belonging to David Copperfield and a casino theater where the magician regularly performs. I find myself quite perplexed ... how can a man who can make an 747 disappear, cause the Statue of Liberty to vanish, float over the Grand Canyon, escape from Alcatraz and pass through the Great Wall of China simply not make this charge ... disappear?

Like A Good Neighbor ...

2007-10-17T20:26:00.000-07:00

A local woman made the national news circuit yesterday after being cited for disorderly conduct for swearing at her toilet. Dawn Herb of Scranton, PA faces up to 90 days in jail and a $300 fine if convicted of the offense after police responded to her residence, acting on the complaint of a neighbor who called them. Apparently the off duty police officer/neighbor (one in the same) Patrick Gilman was offended by the potty mouth woman whose toilet became backed-up and overheard her through an open window. And rather than offer assistance ... or even a plunger, he promptly phoned police and the woman was issued a citation. In this mornings paper, it was stated that the ACLU will be representing Dawn Herb fir her defense. Mary Catherine Roper, an attorney with the ACLU, had this to say; "This is an extreme example of the government trying to intrude into a place they have no business being, your bathroom and your home. You can prosecute somebody for bad language in Iran, this isn’t Iran." All this ... over a blocked crapper ... this ladies and gentlemen is why I love living in Scranton. You just can't buy this kind of entertainment anywhere else. Maybe NBC's "The Office" should do a episode on this one to really seal the deal on the show's Scranton authenticity.

Hands Free Communication Yields Thought Free Products

2007-10-14T21:18:00.000-07:00

The other day, I purchased a bluetooth headset headset for my cell phone. I ultimately had no choice, I spend alot of time on the road and Pennsylvania has just passed a hands-free law that goes in to effect November 10, 2007. PA House Bill No. 1827 amends Title 75 of the Pennsylvania Consolidated Statues and was passed on September 11, 2007 and states that any person who is found to be in violation of this section commits a summary offense and
upon conviction, will be sentenced to pay a $50 fine. Anyway, my point is many bluetooth headsets come with a status indicator LED light to inform the user of things like battery life and if the unit is online or offline. Great idea ... if the person wearing the thing could actually see the light!!! Instead I guess I'm going to have to rely on the kindness of other motorists to yell over to me at a red traffic light to let me know my earpiece battery is about to die. The same people that drive right by a major motor vehicle crash because they "don't want to get involved" ... I should have sprung for the car charger too.

Jenny I've Got Your Number ... 25 Years Later

2007-10-11T19:53:00.000-07:00

Today, I had an epiphany. I dialed 867-5309 and asked for Jenny. The man on the other end informed me that Jenny (shockingly) was not there, and then immediately told me he'd be sure to leave her a message that Tommy Tutone called. I love people that can take a joke.

Letter Carriers On Shooting Sprees ... Now I Know Why

2007-10-09T20:29:00.000-07:00

Is anyone else completely aggravated with the USPS package shipping process? I ordered something over a week ago and the seller was happy to provide a "Label/Receipt number" issued by the USPS. The only problem is, the number is COMPLETELY useless! Whenever I check the status of the order, I get the same message "Delivery status information will be provided if / when available. Information, if available, is updated every evening. Please check again later." In the past, orders that have arrived via United States Postal Service have not shown delivered until a week after they got here. Now, I can't even get confirmation it left the shipper's location. The USPS is nothing more than an overpriced, motorized pony express subsidized for their inefficiency and incompetence by the taxpayers like you and I.

Local On The 8's

2007-10-07T20:13:00.000-07:00

Organizers of the Chicago Marathon scrubbed the race only four hours into it due to the 88 degree heat that plagued the city today. More than 300 contestants were treated in local hospitals for heat related ailments, and as of the writing one athlete died as a result of extreme temperature. Personally, I see absolutely no reason to run without purpose for 26.2 miles ... but I do understand there are some people out there that call this fun, and I do respect that. But rather than spend hours carb-loading the night before, perhaps that time would be better spent checking out the weather forecast and acting on it accordingly ... but that's just my opinion. Common sense here people ... we're (our bodies) just not designed to run 26.2 miles without physical and mental consequence. That's why our species has developed deductive reasoning and adaptation skills ... to adapt, improvise and overcome so we don't have to run 26.2 miles!

Bush: If It's Not For Iraq, I'll Just Send It Back

2007-10-04T20:27:00.000-07:00

In a massive push to override President Bush's veto of the program that would have doubled the number of children eligible for the State Children's Health Program, democrats really don't have to look any further for public support than simply publicizing the fact President Bush vetoed it. Although President Bush stated he shot down the bill because "it was a step toward federalizing medicine and inappropriately expanded the program beyond it's focus on helping poor children". None the less, resourceful democrats have implemented a plan B ... just in case regular citizens like you and I who oppose the President's veto suddenly find ourselves involved as the subject of "terrorist investigation" because we have an opinion other than the commander-in-chief's and no rights of privacy thanks to the Patriot Act. Plan B is to amend the bill to incorporate that all children that have participated in the Children's Health Program at any point, must serve a four year minimum term in the United States military as part of President Bush's "war for oil" program ... then it will pass without hesitation or budget constraint.

Google THIS!

2007-10-02T20:39:00.000-07:00

Has anyone else been noticing Google's stealthy acquisition of everything lately? I post on blogger ... now owned by Google. I generated a RSS feed through feedburner.com ... recently acquired by Google. I offer a free emailing of "Is It Me?" posts thought Feedblitz.com ... now operated by Google. Is anyone else fed up with being the victim of corporate mergers and takeovers (whether tangible or not)... I am!

Finders Keepers

2007-09-28T20:33:00.000-07:00

When Bernard Salcedo of Sanford, Florida lost power in his house, he did what any of us would do ... went looking for the source of the power outage. His search led him to the attic, and rather than finding a wiring problem ... he found $100,000 in cash tucked away in an insulation cavity containing four plastic bags filled with $20 and $100 bills. Mr. Salcedo immediately contacted police regarding his find ... and they promptly took it as evidence due to the fact the previous homeowner was stabbed to death in the residence. And to make matters worse, Bernard Salcedo now has to battle it out in court to reclaim this money, because the former owner's wife is laying claim to the cash. What's wrong with these people? If you find large amounts of small denomination cash neatly tucked away in your house ... why in God's name do you go telling people? It's your house ... your find ... your cash!!! I don't know about you, but if I had $100,000 stuffed away somewhere in my home ... I think I'd remember to take it out before I left. For crying out loud, I almost kicked in my door the other day after I left my house and realized I forget my cell phone.

The Ugly Tree King: You Make The Call

2007-09-26T22:40:00.000-07:00

Okay. The results are in, and it's official. After an extensive and lengthy poll, it has been concluded that Americans just cannot decide (51% to 49% +or- 2%) who fell from a further height down the ugly tree striking every branch on the way down; Phil Spector or Don Imus. Feel free to cast your vote on the comments section, I check them daily.

English Language In U.S. To Be Phased Out By 2025 ... You Heard It Here First

2007-09-22T20:48:00.000-07:00

I called my friends cell phone this evening, and was greeted by his "automated voice mail system". Before identifying if I had even called the correct number, I was immediately prompted to push 1 for English ... so I would only imagine that had I not, the directions would by default proceed in Spanish. Full well knowing that friend does not speak any other language other than English (unless you count pig Latin), I found these instructions quite aggravating. Yet again, corporate America is catering to the minority of customers, that due to their place of origin, do not fluently speak English. I wonder if I bought a cell phone and plan in Mexico, if automated voice mail systems would by default proceed in English if the caller does not push one for Spanish?

New Tazer Burning A Hole In Your Pocket?

2007-09-19T20:55:00.000-07:00

On Monday, Senator John Kerry got more of a student response than he ever bargained for during an address at the University of Florida. Andrew Meyer, a 21 year old student at the University, had a series of questions to ask the Senator. After watching the video on youtube.com, it is apparent to me that Mr. Meyer really should have used better judgement with his wording while addressing the Senator (being that this event was a public forum) and that security should have escorted him from the premises after his remarks. With that said, the University of Florida campus police clearly violated the rules of engagement. Andrew Meyer was in no way a threat to himself or others around him at any time ... just an opinionated young man. His actions did not in any way warrant a less than lethal compliance method ... for crying out loud, I counted seven of them around him just before he got tazered. You mean to tell me seven "trained" officers do not possess the basic security skills needed to subdue one student? And if you listen just before he gets the tazer, Mr. Meyer can clearly be heard saying he'll be more than happy to "just leave" University police tazering him for "non-compliance" is absolutely ridiculous. I guess the saying is true, that security guards are the ones that just weren't good enough to be police officers (more than likely ... they failed the psychiatric portion of the exam).

Cell Phone Towers: The New Prime Real Estate

2007-09-17T23:10:00.000-07:00

In the local paper today, yet another municipality is fighting the installation of a cell phonetower within their jurisdictional limits. Opponents of the new cell phonesite argue that exposure to radiation emitting from the tower on a 24/7 basis may have adverse effects of their families and neighbors health, and that studies on this radiation have not been conclusive enough to support or refute this theory. After reading this article in the morning paper, I made it a point to look at how many people in the course of a day I passed that had cell phones glued to their ears. Amazingly, I found that about 1 in 8 drivers were engaging in cell phone conversations while driving (most via bluetooth headset)and about 1 in 12 people walking around town were actively talking of phones. Society today thrives on communication and all cell phone customers demand good reception (even in remote locations), clear and interruption free calls, and all the bells and whistles that a compact communication device can offer such as GPS, email, textand pictures... but nobody want a tower anywhere near their house. What's interesting is that the ones that are up in arms about transmitter radiation are more than likely the same bunch you see with phones in their hands while en route to the mini market four blocks away from their house, and can't make the trip without finding a reason to call somebody.

Poor Man's Treasure

2007-09-16T20:15:00.000-07:00

For those who may be looking for an inexpensive, yet rewarding, something to do, may I recommend cleaning a closet that you have stuck things in many years ago and haven't opened since. Today I tackled the "just put it there, and I'll get to it later" closet, and unearthed a plethora of valuable forgotten stuff ... it was like hitting the lottery. I guess I really need to keep a better inventory of my things, if nothing else ... at least remember where I put them.

Boy ... The Times You Wish You Opted For The Camera Phone.

2007-09-13T20:48:00.000-07:00

In the town where I live, the population is growing at a steady clip. This growth has yielded a substantial expansion in commercial retailers from fast food to pharmacies to banks, ... to fast food places with pharmacies and banks. Anyway, when I passed by the local Burger King last week, there was a large sign that stated the this particular location would be closed for a short time and to please visit the other Burger Kings in the area. Judging by the large hole between the highway and the King's store, I could only assume that during construction of the newest drug store (located only fifty feet from the Burger King), someone accidentally struck a underground utility forcing the fast food place to close. For the record, I passed the store on Thursday 4:30 p.m. ... they were open as usual the day before (Wednesday). On Friday at 9:00 a.m., the restaurant was gone ... ruble ... demolished, yet the "temporarily closed" sign still remains in the entrance to the parking lot to this day. Pictures to come.

Six Years Later

2007-09-11T23:21:00.000-07:00

9/11/01, FDNY lost 343. You will never be forgotten brothers. 5 5 5 5.

9/11 Conspiracy Theories Vs. Common Sense 101

2007-09-09T20:19:00.000-07:00

Many cable channels have spent most of this weekend airing shows about the events of 9/11/01. The shows range in topic from the World Trade Center building construction to the inner workings of NORAD. The ones that really intrigue me though, are the 9/11 conspiracy theory shows that spotlight ideas and hypotheses of people who believe the government was behind the entire attack the whole time, and employ less than accurate (or completely fabricated) information to produce results that, to conventional wisdom and ordinary common sense, leave more holes in their own conspiracy theories than when they started. Really ... come on ... thermite charges??? A 125,000 pound airplane carrying about 6,000 gallons of fuel traveling at 400 mph that struck a building that was designed with an open floor/truss superstructure ... what did you expect, it would bounce off??? Personally, I'm amazed that they stood as long as they did! These ridiculous conspiracy theories can only be the work of the children whose parents maintain we never landed on the moon ... I guess every generation needs a cause.

Fun Stuff On The Web

2007-09-08T20:45:00.000-07:00

Every once and a while, I come across a website that I just have to share with others. For those looking to play practical jokes on friends and family or others who may be just looking to waste some time and amuse themselves on the internet, give this one a try warninglabelgenerator.com. Here you can design and print official looking, yet creative and funny warning signs. Enjoy.

Thought Control ... Are We Really So Far Off?

2007-09-05T20:37:00.000-07:00

Jerry Lewis was in the spotlight this week after a slanderous remark about gays, Mr. Lewis soon after offered a prepared and formal apology. The whole incident got me thinking, I guess that's the price you pay for fame (although I'm not condoning foul language in public) ... not being able to publicly express your discontent with others people's lifestyle choices. This is of course unless you are; gay, black, an illegal alien, or some other sort of the American public "minority". Then you can publicly bash anyone, anytime, about any of the choices they as the "majority" have made regardless of setting or audience without consequence. So what ... Isaiah Washington is entitled to his opinion, but it got him fired. If he had been gay, and said off color remarks about heterosexuals ... he'd probably still be employed! Why must we all walk on eggshells every time our mouth opens ... really ... what's wrong with having an opinion and voicing it? If the majority remains silent (although unified in thought), the minority is now the majority.

Useless Trivia Fact #14

2007-09-04T17:02:00.000-07:00

The blood vessels of a blue whale are so wide, that an adult trout could swim through them.

You Never Get A Second Chance To Make Copies Of Your First Files

2007-09-02T22:32:00.000-07:00

On Wednesday, May 30, I wrote a post about how my hard drive died, and have since found an affordable and easy solution.In fact, I liked it so much I decided to promote it. Mozy online backup offers a small unintrusive and secure system that runs in the background, and once a few simple settings are entered it's literally "set it and forget it" ... files of your choice are automatically backed up. Forget long waits for uploads, it is smart enough to only backup the files that have either changed or have been added since the last backup. They offer two different uses of the same service; A free 2 GB fully functional storage service that has no expiration and requires no credit card to get, or an unlimited storage capacity for $4.95 a month. After having my hard drive crap out without warning and losing everything on it, (all my work files and pictures ... including the pictures of my son from the day of his birth right up through a year and a half) knowing of this service in advance really would have been a cheap insurance policy and kept me out of hot water with the Mrs. To really get a good feel of how important you home or office computer may be to you, remove the power cord and give it to a friend to hold on to for two weeks ... you may be surprised how much you rely on it, and were not even aware that were. Again ... cheap insurance.

Is PETA Getting Soft In Their Old Age?

2007-08-31T18:05:00.000-07:00

Last week, the local chapter of PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) was protesting the area KFC because of suspected animal cruelty violations. As I was passing by, I couldn't help but read the signs ... mainly because such an organized, peaceable demonstration by PETA completely caught me off guard. Typically their tactics involve; breaking and entering, arson, criminal mischief, defiant trespassing and so on. Anyway, this public awareness picketing was to inform would be customers and average citizens alike of the terrible experiences that chickens would have to endure before being slaughtered. The fact that these chickens were born and raised in captivity for the sole purpose human consumption and would never survive in the wild, even if they had the chance, was not emblazoned on any of their signs. I applaud their determination and (for once) peaceable assemblance, but why not spend this time down the street helping a bum get back on his financial feet or help orphan children learn how to read. Chickens typically don't possess enough mental capacity to do anything other than be chickens. Fellow humans however, could greatly benefit from the smallest of consolation and personal attention.

Reality TV Shopping Spree

2007-08-30T20:22:00.000-07:00

In one form or another, we all in some degree have a fascination with reality tv. We all just can't get enough of watching both the triumphs and failures of people, and in many respects can relate to the members, players and contestants because they are regular people ... just like us. So whether you're a the self proclaimed guru of the reality tv circuit, or one of those closet watchers that quickly changes the channel when people come in the room, the fact remains that our basic human curiosity of other average humans on television dealing with adversity and adventure isn't going to be canceled anytime soon. For those who just can't get enough of their daily dose of reality tv, I found a site that offers a not only offers a wide variety of comments and recaps on many of the popular shows, but also has a newsletter to keep you up to speed ... and just signing up puts you in the running for a Fifty Dollar Amazon.com gift certificate!

Wait Until Ron Popeil Gets Hold Of This One

2007-08-28T22:28:00.000-07:00

Last week, the local newspaper reported that "experts" believe that a major contributing factor to the Interstate 35 bridge collapse in Minneapolis can be attributed to pigeon dung on the bolts of the bridges superstructure ... yes, experts actually said this. I work with copper, aluminum, brass, bronze, stainless steel, and iron on a daily basis and have yet to find a naturally occurring animal excrement that possesses the corrosive properties to compromise the strength of any of these metals ... if there was one, I'd buy it to loosen rusted and frozen parts. For those who may still think there is actually some credibility to the pigeon theory, look no further than our county courthouse. Let's face it, bridge inspectors didn't do their job ... period. Boy, the things people will say to point the finger elsewhere when they caught with their pants down ... pigeon dung, that's the best they could come up with???

My Last Uno Chicago Grill Visit

2007-08-26T17:13:00.000-07:00

I typically try to plan my weekend dining out around the fact that other people, for the most part, eat around prescribed time frames. So to beat the rush and avoid long waiting times (not to mention I do have a young child that can still be unpredictable), we usually will stop at a restaurant around 2:00 - 4:00. Well today I hit a milestone, something I never even thought imaginable for the food service industry. At our local Uno Chicago Grill, there was a 25 minute wait time to be seated at 1:30. When my wife inquired as to why there was a wait, noting that the parking was reasonably empty and there were plenty of tables obviously available to the hostess, the young employee answered back with a sarcastic face "we're short servers." Apparently, not enough waiters/waitresses came in to work at the Uno Chicago Grill today ... but the look we received for having the audacity to even inquire as to why we were going to have to wait could have killed. How dare us!!! I guess we must have been the only ones to even wonder, because other customers seemed perfectly content to wait while open, clean, and set tables stared them in the face. My guess is that management and owner salaries at the Uno Chicago Grill must be high enough to not be concerned that customers are leaving before they even get a seat. So, I'm lead to believe that the profit margin earned on the dolts willing to wait it out far surpasses basic staffing and operating expenses ... that's why the supervisors at this local Uno Chicago Grill made no attempt to at least patch the problem. Do yourself a favor, and dine elsewhere.

Liberal Radio Ga Ga

2007-08-23T22:25:00.000-07:00

I heard the most sorry excuse of liberal thinking yesterday on the radio. "The chronically late hate being late, just as much as the rest us hate always having to wait for them." What??? WHAT A CROCK!!! How about this ... the truth; The chronically late hate being rushed because of their own incompetence and lack of respect for others time, and immaturely (as all liberals do) blame everyone else for their own shortcomings and lack of self discipline. I guess that advertising your justification for illogical selfishness makes it ok ... if society hears it enough times, they'll eventually believe it. Kind of like Saddam's WMDs.

Lefties In Their Right Mind??? I Don't Think So

2007-08-21T23:27:00.000-07:00

Okay ... I've got to know ... why do people insist on driving in the passing lane of a four lane road (two going each direction) when there is no other traffic anywhere around them? And worse yet, their barely (if at all) even going the speed limit!!! Funny driving quirks like people that can't ever seem to remember what side their gas cap is on (even after they swing the car around to the other side of the gas pump only to find that now the only thing that changed is which way the car is facing), or old people that can't for the life of them understand the purpose and proper use of the fifth turning lane are always amusing and never get old. But this passing lane cruising, or "lefties" as I call them, is just an incredible annoyance. Forget cell phone use while driving legislation, let's start with getting motorists to keep their cars in the correct lane!

Useless Trivia Fact #13

2007-08-19T20:51:00.000-07:00

Hippopotamus bites, experts say, are almost always fatal. The reason ... they're very large bites.

Breaking The Landlubber Moorings

2007-08-18T20:05:00.000-07:00

Life is overwhelming, and I have decided that I need a hobby ... something I can do at my leisure, take my time and enjoy. So, I was tooling around the internet and found the perfect solution ... building a Dory boat. A small wood constructed boat I could build in my garage, and enjoy for years to come with my family. This site offers the building plans, I supply the labor. I'm a pretty mechanical person, so with proper instruction I really can't see this project being all that tough. Ahoy.

A Land Cruising Tank, Tuscan Milk And A Sticka Budda

2007-08-17T20:28:00.000-07:00

Yes ... I have an odd sense of humor. A couple days ago, my sister told me to check out Amazon.com for an item called Tuscan Milk ... not to praise the product, but rather to read some of the hilarious customer reviews! After spending the better part of two nights going through the 900+ comments, I started wondering what other products came with such high honors. I also found a JL421 Badonkadonk Land Cruiser/Tank offered from our friends at Amazon for a mere $19,999.95 that too came highly recommended from most weighing in at three and a half stars. I'll be sure to keep an eye out for more of these highly rated products and pass them along as they come. But honestly, they really are worth checking out if you're in need of a good laugh.

Research Proves: Recycling Works ... But Brains Still Don't

2007-08-16T21:35:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I was blessed to receive some mail correspondence from my state representative Jim Wansacz. I must say, the official PA state letterhead, contact information and listing of current committees on which he serves was quite impressive to say the least, it took up 1/3 of page one. But after reading it, I couldn't help but notice the obvious watermark within the paper certifying it to be made of recycled material ... after all, Mr Wansacz does serve on the environmental resources & energy committee. But the overwhelming letterhead information took up so much room, there was no space left for the signature, forcing it (and only it) to be carried over to the next page ... consequently not being printed on recycled paper with a fancy watermark, just plain old white paper. A whole sheet of paper of a scribble of a signature ... nothing more.

How To Beat A Royal Flush

2007-08-08T21:04:00.000-07:00

A little piece of infrequently though of information was passed on to me that, over the course of the day, started to get to me. In 1992, Congress banned all 3.5 gpf (gallons per flush) toilet tanks and mandated that all tanks sold in the U.S. offer no more than 1.6 gpf under the Energy Policy and Conservation Act. Idealistically, this would lessen our use of natural resources and cut down on the amount of "material" that treatment plants would have to handle. Well apparently, this law actually sparked a black market for 3.5 gpf tanks that exists to this very day. Yep ... that's right ... Canadian/U.S. customs agents are actually supposed to confiscate your contraband crapper. Although if you are detained while trying to re-enter the U.S., the good news is your porcelain pal will have more than enough horse power unlike its U.S. counterparts ... but, I really can't see that a tank transporter would be faced with a felonious charge. My point is, "Land of the free"??? If Uncle Sam is so interested in how I use my "library", why not just help me fulfill the mission while I'm in there for crying out loud! My sacred sanctuary has been surmounted, my tranquil temple toppled. This my friends, is just going too far.

"So You Can Take This Cookie, And ......." -311

2007-07-20T20:29:00.000-07:00

Boy, you know your political career is really going down the tubes (pardon the pun) when national media outlets are reporting that your presidential powers will be handed off to the Vice President Cheney during your routine colonoscopy. The procedure is expected to last two hours, and be done at the presidential retreat at Camp David, Maryland by a team from the National Naval Medical Center. Security is expected to be heightened within a considerable distance of the compound due to millions of reports of angry, war weary and unemployed (English speaking) American citizens looking to shove just about anything they can get their hands on up the chief executive's ... you know. Doctors say they are not expecting to find anything out of the ordinary. My guess why? Mainly because the President has been far too busy in the last seven years sticking it up all of ours, to have any time left to get something even close to his own.

Next Up: A Prohibition Beer Party

2007-07-10T21:09:00.000-07:00

This past weekend saw the worldwide event of Live Earth. Although the 24 hour music marathon concert spanned seven continents, the ratings (worldwide mind you) were quite dismal at best ... so let's at least hope the seats sold out. Regardless, the real purpose of the event was raise public awareness of the growing global warming issues, and force world leaders to notice that support and legislate accordingly. Although a worthy cause, I guess that Al Gore just had to find something to propel himself back into the political spotlight since being defeated in the 2000 presidential election ... really, where's he been for the last seven years? Personally, I think his was nothing more than a last ditch muscle flexing exhibition before the 2008 presidential nominations, a "Remember me fellow Democrats? I almost won! Let's give it another whirl." My only question is this; How much greenhouse gases were created with the preparation and subsequent showing of seven events from diesel trucks to move the equipment, pyrotechnics, electrical generators, motorists going to and from the show (not to mention traffic created by the events), air travel for the performers/concert goers, buses, trains, taxis .... the list could go on. Really ... something a little more earth friendly would have made a better point.

Acronym Update: PSA = Publicly Satirical Ad

2007-06-22T20:44:00.000-07:00

When I stopped at the local convenient store today, I couldn't help but notice a poster in the front window. In an effort to raise public awareness about remembering to wear a seat belt, somebody left a public service ad (endorsed by the Governor of PA ... obviously a DOT PR campaign) that had a driver's view of a smashed windshield and off to the right there was a picture of an older couple. In large writing it stated, "Who feels the impact when you don't wear a seat belt?" By design, I guess I'm supposed to relate to the picture and realize the hardship my family may face in the event of my early expiration. But honestly, I couldn't help but bust out laughing. Although I still have yet to get my major in rocket science, common sense prevails here ... me ... I feel the impact you putz ... I'm the one not wearing the seat belt ... remember???

Useless Trivia Fact #12

2007-06-20T20:50:00.000-07:00

Experts say that 46% of all violence on television occurs in cartoons.

Underdog To Wonderdog In 7.6

2007-06-19T21:18:00.000-07:00

I'm not going to get on my soapbox about Americans over usage of prescription pills for just about any illness one can possibly have ... or fabricate for that matter, I've already hammered the point home on several occasions that Americans are pill popping junkies that think (and in some cases expect) that a doctor's prescription is the immediate cure for anything and everything. That's bad enough. But now, many have taken this lifestyle of "instant cures" and enforced that logic on their children ... even worse. Apparently having a couple dozen script bottles laying around the house wasn't enough, so now pet medications seems to be the new fad. Don't get me wrong here, medications have their place. But if Fido takes a pill that causes fleas to abandon ship, what other microscopic chemical and biological changes are taking place ... I mean fleas have been around for millions of years. Whether your dog is a pharmaceutical addict like yourself or wears fancy knit apparel, the fact remains that a dog is a dog ... they still roll in poo, eat garbage and prefer the rear end identification over a handshake. I'm pretty sure Rex will be alright without the restless paw syndrome medicine.

Getting The Pants Sued Off You

2007-06-12T18:55:00.001-07:00

Topping the charts in the history of frivolous lawsuits, Roy L. Pearson (an administrative judge for the District of Columbia) is trying to take the cleaners ... well ... uh ... to the cleaners. In a 54 million dollar lawsuit, the judge is suing the small business for losing his pants. Apparently, the bulk of the case is hinging on the fact that signs that are posted on the premises of the cleaners that state "satisfaction guaranteed", and he feels as though his experience was less than satisfying. This could really open the flood gates nationally if this one goes through, I for one am now patiently waiting for any store than claims to be open 24/7 to close ... no matter what the reason. I can claim personal hardship and emotional trauma (oh, worth about 10 million ... I'm not greedy like some people) because I couldn't get my paws on a Red Bull at 3:52 a.m. due to the store being unexpectedly closed and not sending an amber alert to the public notifying them of this immediate yet temporary closure ... how dare they not notify the masses.

Pull Up! ... Pull Up! ... We're Going To Crash!!!

2007-05-30T21:23:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, you need the subtle reminder of how dependent you have become on technology to realize how much you really don't need it at all. Two weeks ago (without any warning whatsoever) my hard drive died. Smoked, kicked the bucket, &%$# the bed. Emails, work files, personal files, electronic banking receipts, family pictures ... all gone. So I did what any other guy would do ... found something else to do, another hobby. But don't think I'm not like all the other guys out there ... I poked my nose into endless microchips, ribbon wires, and flashing little light thingies thinking I could fix this overpriced jukebox. The result? Good thing for friends who work in IT departments that know how to not only fix computers normal issues, but man made ones as well ... yes, I learned that wiring harnesses (no matter how easily they may appear to go on) are designed to only fit on their receiver a certain direction, period! Needless to say, the last two weeks of digital downtime left me to find a family fun hobby that we all enjoy together. Which will ultimately leave me less time to complain here but afford me more time with my family, I'm sure I'll find a happy balance between the two. And for those who may be wondering ... yes, as I sit here typing I am still feeding disks into this machine (two weeks later) trying to regain some sort of normal PC operation and functionality.

A Platoon Of Six???... Even David Koresh Did Better Than That!

2007-05-08T20:21:00.000-07:00

Topping the national headlines today, six individuals were arrested for plotting an alleged attack on Fort Dix, New Jersey. Although these people had stockpiled heavy armament and had also done an extensive amount of reconnaissance (according to media sources), I really think that the American public is so caught up in the post 9/11 media hype, their losing basic common sense and obvious rationality. Fort Dix ... full of soldiers ... soldiers trained to use weapons efficiently and effectively ... the same soldiers that are currently occupying Iraq and Afghanistan ... right, like these guys even stood a chance. "Please keep in mind, terror attacks are about terror. These attacks on military bases would have created terror nationwide," said U.S. Attorney Christopher Christie. Terror nationwide??? Come on, seriously ... maybe a slight overstatement? I have yet to see the bug beat the windshield.

What The Market Will Bear ... I Guess

2007-05-05T21:35:00.000-07:00

While cruising through the internet news outlets, I came across a story on CNN.com in which a man had offered to sell his wife on an online auction for about fifty bucks. This got me thinking about what other crazy things have been auctioned off over the years, so I put in a few search queries. Although I didn't come across the infamous eBay wedding dress or food that unmistakably resembled Jesus, I did find some sites that offer a good laugh and proof positive that people really will buy anything ... including a pet fart. Try verystrangeauctions.com, whowouldbuythat.com and weird-websites.com. Years ago, I said I was going to auction off air in Ziploc bags for fun, but never did ... I honestly think I missed out on my ticket to entrepreneurial bliss.

Useless Trivia Fact #11

2007-05-02T19:34:00.000-07:00

London police photographed the eyes of Jack the Ripper's victims theorizing that his image might be recorded on their retinas.

Read This Seven Times (Once Standing On Your Head) Or Else!!!

2007-04-23T17:04:00.000-07:00

Everybody, periodically throughout their lives, has a rash of bad luck that seems to multiply day by day. No matter how many times we remind ourselves that eventually ... things will get better, they just get worse. Well, I got to the point today that I really wondered why it was not only my turn in the barrel, but to what distinction I owe this wonderful turn of events. The answer came today in my email inbox. I'm the guy who hates chain mail with a passion. Whenever people feel the need to forward me copies of copies of copies of endless "send this to seven people within the next ten minutes ... or die" emails, I not only promptly throw them away, but laugh at how pathetic the sender is to fall for this scam over and over again. Well ... maybe there really is something to it ... maybe I am about to die. Hmmm.

Help Your Local Police ... Start Shooting Back

2007-04-20T17:15:00.000-07:00

Ok, I get it ... some yutz went bananas at Virginia Tech, let's move on! For crying out loud, solders die in Iraq every day and don't get this amount of media attention ... or a half mast flag for that matter. With the media circus still in full swing almost a week later, I get the feeling that the liberals out there are just gathering up information about this shooting so they can bring their dull gun control ax back to the grinding stone. Sure ... that makes perfect sense ... some loony goes off the deep end with a firearm, so now we will try to pass laws that affect responsible gun owners ... Give me a break people! Drugs are illegal in all fifty states, has that stopped the market for junkies? No. Suppose for a minute that other students in the dorms were allowed to keep firearms on the premises ... would the shooter have gotten as far as he did? Maybe, maybe not. Personally, I blame society. What a weak country of whiners we have become. I cannot believe for one second that out of all the people this yahoo encountered that day, not one of them tried to stop him! Throw a chair, grab anything not bolted down, whatever ... it is physically impossible to shoot everyone if they all come at you at once. I genuinely feel bad for the families that lost loved ones that day, but let's move on. I find it difficult to believe that absolutely nothing else newsworthy happened in that last week anywhere in the world other than this.

No Habla Espanol

2007-04-13T16:43:00.000-07:00

The other night, I was watching American Idol (not by choice mind you) and the guest celebrity was Jennifer Lopez. The contestants used every opportunity to praise her for the mentoring she offered, and the many words of encouragement she passed along to them. I couldn't help but notice on several occasions Lopez reiterated the importance of "singing from the heart", to not necessarily concentrate all your efforts on being perfect but rather give a performance your audience can relate to, and that mindset will bring you success. Great theory ... until Jennifer Lopez gave a performance the next evening's Idol. The entire song was in Spanish ... I think. I'm really not to sure because I COULDN'T "RELATE" TO IT ... I DON'T SPEAK SPANISH!!!

I Went To Iraq, And All I Got Was This Lousy Skull Replacement

2007-02-28T20:31:00.000-08:00

Blog ... what blog ... oh yeah, I have a blog. Yes, I've been that busy ... no, I haven't been bumped off DHS agents or indicted for white collar crimes ... thanks for the emails concerning my whereabouts and personal safety. But really, the flowers accompanied with a condolences card send to my family was a bit too much.

Last night I happened to catch the Bob Woodruff special "To Iraq And Back". The show left me with a new found respect for the traumatic injuries suffered by the soldiers in the field ... it also left me with a total lack of respect for a Pulitzer prize hungry reporter that left his wife and four kids to go play in the sandbox and get shot at for no other reason than to prove he had a set. War is Hell ... reporters don't belong on the front lines of the battlefield ... period. But, the show did go on and bring to light the inadequacies of care our returning veterans are receiving, and from there took on more of a liberal whining theme citing the amount of casualties that actually have occurred in the Iraq/Afghanistan area. I'm not doubting that Uncle Sam is more than likely withholding the true facts and figures ... BUT THIS IS A WAR PEOPLE!!! What did you expect? The military is in the business of killing people ... that's what they do. The enemy is just as good as we are, and we're in their turf.

Maybe It's Time To Throw In The Towel

2007-01-11T21:44:00.000-08:00

The President unveiled his new master plan to tame the Iraq situation yesterday, by announcing that 21,500 more troops will be deployed there shortly. Although most of his high ranking military advisers told him that more boots on the ground will have little effect on where the situation in Iraq is currently going, the President stayed confident in his strategy and did not lose focus of his objectives ... and promptly reassigned these nay saying generals to other duties that do not include any contact with the Commander in Chief at all. Coincidence, I'm sure. What I initially thought was a war for nothing more than oil, now has me convinced that it's a personal vendetta. A recent poll conducted after this news broke found that 70% of Americans oppose the deployment of more troops to the region, and quite a bit of lawmakers in Washington feel the same way. Government of the people, by the people, for the people ... well it's apparent that the majority of "the people" are not happy with how things are going, and I don't see 70% of the elected officials who are there to represent us echoing our frustration. There really comes a point at which you need to throw in the towel ... and I think we're at it.

Roadside Assistance Or Laziness

2006-12-30T21:21:00.000-08:00

In today's world of required certifications and training to perform just about any task, is it really too much to ask of licensed drivers to be capable of changing their own tires when they get a flat? I'm sure there will always be some bleeding heart out there that would claim that such a mandatory physical requirement and mechanical knowledge would render the drivers licensing program a complete and blatant discrimination, because it would bar the elderly, physically handicapped and learning disabled from obtaining a drivers license. Well ... if they're that mentally and physically deficient ... maybe they should be operating a motor vehicle at highway speeds (or any speed for that matter) to begin with! What about the safety of the rest of us on the road who unknowingly drive amongst these sub-par drivers everyday? How humiliating to have to call a tow truck to come and change your tire ... even if I live to be ninety years old, it would be a cold day in !@#$ I have someone else come change my tire.

The Wheels On The Bus Go Round And Round

2006-12-26T22:35:00.000-08:00

HOLY COW ... has it really been a month since my last post??? I guess that explains the emails inquiring about my health. Well sorry everyone, I wish I had a tall tale to enlighten you all with, but truth be known ... I've just been that busy. I'm sure it's not quite the consolation prize, but I did add a Skype link down in the contact me area ... so feel free all to skype on by or leave a voice mail. Well here we are, one day after my 11 month year old son's first Christmas, and I just can't help but notice how Fisher-Price is on the PC bandwagon. Yes, something as innocent as a child's toy can't be exempt from the politically correct society that many are trying to breed in to us. My mother-in-law gave my son a seemingly harmless LittlePeople school bus toy. Every kid I can ever remember has had something similar where the roof is cut away, and characters can be moved from seat to seat. But the new modern version features a wheelchair that fits into the back of the bus, and is accessible through the back door that rolls down like a ramp. I do believe in educating my kids to respect diversity, but statistically speaking ... I really don't remember growing up with an exorbitant amount of handicapped kids. Besides, I thought forcing people to ride in the back was discrimination ... didn't we as Americans already go down this road? And honestly, from a safety standpoint, does it really make sense to put the kid who requires a forty pound chair on wheels to get around in the back of the bus? The last time I checked, most school bus related injuries were due to a rapid application of the brakes. Oooo ... hard lesson there for the kids to learn about inertia. At what point will we as a society finally say enough with the brainwashing?

Useless Trivia Fact #10

2006-11-30T19:44:00.000-08:00

Elvis Presley was nearsighted. At his death, he owned an estimated $60,000 dollars worth of prescription sunglasses.

"If I Did It": Admission, Comparison, Or Future Instruction?

2006-11-25T20:05:00.000-08:00

The recent cancellation of the O.J. Simpson book and television special entitled "If I Did It." put a smile on my face, and restored a glimmer of hope in my opinion of the seemingly endless downhill spiral of this countries moral fabric. Finally ... as a country, we all said "ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!" No matter what your opinion of O.J., or his true roll in the murder case, I think we can all agree that the entire case made a mockery of our judicial system ... "If the glove doesn't fit, you must acquit" comes to mind, or that fact that Mark Fuhrman found himself on trial rather than the defendant for using the "N word" too many times. Oh yeah ... that's right ... O.J. Simpson never took the stand in his own defense, but Lance Ito let him read a letter without cross examination. Anyway, my point is now our silent church mouse, after pleading innocence and losing millions in civil suits yielding guilty verdicts, has plenty to say about the murder of his wife and how he would have done it. Am I missing something here? Plead innocent yet hypothesize how he would have carried out the act if he had done it? That's like saying to your boss, "No Mr. Johnson, I didn't wreck the company car and have no idea how that fender got caved in ... but if I had done it, I would have done it like this because my way is much more to the point, incredibly more damaging, and offers more bang for your buck." I think you know where Mr. Johnson would stick your keys after a statement like that.

High = Dry

2006-11-22T20:46:00.000-08:00

Local note: After six days of a majority of the area being completely without water (due to a severed 24" supply main during last weeks storm), the problem has finally been rectified. Here's the interesting part; This large water main that feeds the entire area in which I live is fed from a distribution center about 6 miles south of here. The only feasible way to run the pipe when it was installed was under a creek that passes between two large mountains ... that so far makes somewhat sense. Here's where it gets a little weird. Upstream of where the break happened to be, is a sewer treatment plant that in time of extreme rainfall dump their overflow ... you guessed it, down the creek. Now during normal circumstances, I would think that the positive pressure in the pipe would keep out any contaminants coming downstream in the event that the pipe was already leaking. So ... if the line was broke and consequently shut off ... where does the excess treatment plant "runoff" go now? Obviously, nobody has thought enough about it to raise a "stink" yet ... this is just my own observation. Yet another mechanical marvel from the lowest bidder.

Who Are The Ads REALLY Targeting?

2006-11-19T19:35:00.000-08:00

While at the mall today, my ears were bombarded with Christmas music ... and we didn't even get through Thanksgiving yet. I guess that retailers, although they will never admit it, are trying to get consumers into the holiday spirit to ease their own economic crunch. But what really troubles me (particularly as a new parent) is the marketing approach many toy and electronic companies are taking in brainwashing parents into thinking their products will make kids smarter by incorporating learning tools with video games. The latest one is the v.smile ad that keeps popping up on just about every commercial break. I'm not doubting that stimulating a child's brain isn't a wonderful tool in raising a productive, smart and well rounded adult ... but I've got a better idea. Instead of curing your kid's craving for more toys than they'll ever need ... try actually spending time as a family with them. In the long, the lessons learned from parents and guardians will carry the next generation further than any electronic contraption ever will.

Useless Trivia Fact #9

2006-11-13T20:23:00.000-08:00

Aspirin has never been approved by the FDA ... it has never been rejected either.

How Do These CEO's Sleep At Night?

2006-11-12T20:27:00.000-08:00

I read an article that stated that the number of third world nation AIDS patients has swelled at such an increasing rate, that the lack of basic food supplies is becoming the number one killer because HIV related medicines are donated at an astounding rate from drug manufacturers. Funny ... I know people that live and work in this country (and because they have to pay for their own medications and don't have the luxury of pharmaceutical donations to less fortunate countries) can't afford either. It's not like people that acquire the AIDS virus suffer from the unfortunate chance of circumstance like contracting the flu or common cold, I have yet to meet or hear of anyone who came down with AIDS from being in the same elevator, car, room, bathroom, bunghole, or straw hut with someone who is already infected. It's also somewhat disconcerting to read that people living cardboard boxes in the backstreets of third world countries have easier and more plentiful access to life saving drugs than people that reside in first world countries (which coincidentally is the same country the drug manufacturing companies claim residency in) that have jobs and are productive human beings doing their part to be a small, yet very much important cog in the social ecosystem. Maybe it's time I move.

Power To The People

2006-11-09T19:26:00.000-08:00

Whoo hoo!!! The November elections are finally over! I can resume my normal life again by engrossing myself in a good television show without being bombarded by an endless barrage of political mudslinging, and not be afraid of answering the door only to be greeted by some well dressed campaign promoter that "cares about my needs" ... and oh yeah, my car will no longer be littered with propaganda after a short 10 minute park at the grocery store. Now that my civic duty of voting has been exercised, all these suave professional double talkers will not even give me second thought until the next election. Although I must admit for the short couple weeks it lasts, it is empowering to know that for that short time we all had (past tense) the upper hand. On a personal note, after seeing the results I actually felt bad for the republican party. After dragging on a war that nobody but Bush wants to fight anymore, the entire party as a whole got their a**** handed to them ... particularly locally. Unfortunately, the team got booted but the coach is still there. Let's at least hope the new team captain has a little for fortitude than the last and isn't afraid to call his own plays.

Only Five More Days Until It's Over

2006-11-02T20:48:00.000-08:00

Senator John Kerry's remark about being "stuck in Iraq" may actually go down in the history books as one the most insulting political public addresses ever made by a politician. Although he claims that the statement was a botched joke, the fact remains it was said and no amount of apologies will ever make it go away. Face it Mr. Kerry ... that's way it pays to stick to what the speech writers write for you, ad-libbing will only get you in trouble. What's more troubling is the real reason as to why it was said. With elections right around the corner, just about all the politicians are piling extra mud on their shovels to tilt the scales in their (or their party's) favor. John Kerry was doing nothing more than trying to rally an already war tired public against the Bush administration's war on terror machine, and strike a blow to the republican party. Boy, did he screw that one up! And the republicans really didn't do themselves any favors by returning an almost instantaneous firestorm of criticism back at Kerry ... it reminded me of two elementary school kids bickering over who broke the pencil sharpener. Napoleon Bonaparte said it best with "Never interrupt an enemy while they are making a mistake". The American public would have eaten Kerry alive for such a stupid comment, the GOP could have said so much more by saying nothing at all.

Blind Faith

2006-10-26T19:41:00.000-07:00

In this mornings paper, I read that President Bush had been quoted as saying "We're winning" when he was asked how he felt about the progression of the war in Iraq. Whether this was either a snippet of text or the entire response, I'm really not sure. But either way his blatant disregard for the truth has, at this point, become nothing more than entertainment for myself and the majority of the American public who, at this point, would rather just pay the higher prices for gas than watch our boys get sent home in body bags. Enough is enough, they were fighting each other before we were there, and they'll be fighting each other far after we have left. I know I beat up on the political figures sometimes here, but honestly ... these people (yes, including presidential advisers) aren't dumb. So if average Joe's like us can see that we got ourselves into a military conflict that we just can't get out of, obviously the heavies in Washington know it too. So ... why the blind faith in our conquest to tame Iraq (and their oil supply)? On a side note, I'd rather have a Commander in Chief that threw a dart at dart board to resolve issues rather than continually lie to us. I have it narrowed down to two possibilities. 1. War is good for the economy (just imagine how bad it might be if we weren't at war) or 2. George W. Bush is finishing the work his father started to make Daddy proud. This one really seems more plausible once you think about it ... did Saddam try bump W's old man off and this is retaliation? Look at all the potential WMD's out there in the world ... and we go after Iraq?

See How The Stars Shine

2006-10-24T20:58:00.000-07:00

Many celebrities use their fame and notoriety to gain public awareness on everything from starving nations to cruelty to animals. And many of them have no qualms about associating themselves with charitable organizations that use all proceeds generated to do good and much needed work in these areas. Good for them, I am a firm believer in that if every does a little bit, we can accomplish amazing things. But just today I read an article in which Michael J. Fox has been starring in political campaign ads to rally up support for candidates that are in favor of stem cell research. I understand due to his medical condition with Parkinson's disease, Mr. Fox feels the need to raise awareness about how a possible cure can be found ... but I really don't recall him being so adamant about it back in the mid 80's when he starred in Family Ties, or hitting up movie goers in the late 80's and early 90's during the debuts of his multiple movie releases. Nope, he passed up all those opportunities only to beat you over the head with information for the last couple years ... now that he has developed a condition in which that type of research could have been beneficial. How interesting.

Sure ... Right ... This Will Fix The Problem With Homeland Security

2006-10-19T21:12:00.000-07:00

Only 18 months to go ... that's how long until the federal government implements the Real ID Act that individual states will be almost forced to adopt if they wish to keep receiving Uncle Sam's allowance. The act will require (in addition to the holder’s name, gender, date of birth and residential address) a digital photograph with "physical security features" to prevent fraud, and the ability to be accessed by "machine-readable technology". Machines for such readable technology will be similar across the country allowing any authority anywhere to immediately either confirm or refute the identity of the person presenting the ID. Privacy advocate groups feel this is nothing more than one giant step toward an Orwellian surveillance society in which the federal government can track our every move. Groups on the other side of the fence cite that such a program would enhance our homeland security and save millions in fraudulent identity scams. As I've said before, the terrorists have already won. We as a country are crumbling in on ourselves by making laws and rules that strip our nation's people of their rights in the name of "security". For crying out loud ... we can't even keep illegal immigrants out of this country, now this new nugget of identificational technology is going to magically solve our problems as to who is legitimately here in this country and who isn't? I'm reminded of a bumper sticker that was obviously a fire back at the popular "Imagine world peace" sticker that stated: "Forget world peace ... imagine using your turning signal!" A perfect world is a great goal, but let's start at the beginning rather than the end.

Political Poker Face

2006-10-17T20:49:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the lack of postings lately, I've been fighting off the plague ... or so it felt like. But no need to send soup, although I'm sniffling and coughing, the double vision and shivers have cleared up so I guess I'm cresting the hill. The down time I've been experiencing lately afforded me the luxury of watching multiple news perspectives on the North Korea nuclear poker game that the world is watching for no other reason but than to see who can maintain the best poker face and bluff their way through the hand. An underground detonation deals out the pocket cards, and the promise of economic sanctions starts off the flop. The turn card came today when North Korea said it considered U.N. sanctions aimed at punishing the country for its nuclear test "a declaration of war". And the Assistant Secretary of State Christopher Hill fired the river card back when he stated that if North Korea did in fact detonate another nuclear test (as they have stated they will), such a test would force the international community "to respond very clearly". Now that we're all one up on each other twice, let's get to the truth of the matter and see the pocket cards. I'm willing to bet that although the U.S. has the better hand, we'll still come out of this kissing the rear ends of the North Koreans because we only like to pick on countries that can't fight back. Are the North Koreans a viable nuclear power ... who knows. But it will be a cold day in hell we invade that place because after all ... their WMD's (if nothing else) made a seismic impression and not a hypothetical impression.

How Many Times Have You Heard This One ... "It's Glandular."

2006-10-13T21:58:00.000-07:00

Doctors are hopeful to soon perform scalpel free stomach surgery that uses a tube inserted through the mouth rather than the conventional incision, making the procedure safer and more tempting toward prospective candidates. I however have done an extensive amount of research in this particular topic and have come to the conclusion after many painstaking late nights of combing through endless data, that a much cheaper and far more practical solution to over eaters that just flat out refuse to exercise any amount of control as to what they devour has been right in front of us the whole time ... just have the doctor stitch their mouths shut.

G.I. Joe: A Real American Sissy

2006-10-10T21:51:00.000-07:00

Not to be outdone, the military in the last year has hopped right on the politically correct bandwagon (or in this case APC) by forcing their drill sergeants to adopt "a more counseling" role rather than the traditional in your face, talk loud - talk often to get their attention. Experts claim that this approach has in fact reduced by almost 7 percent the number of recruits who wash out in the first 6 to 12 months of military life. I would only expect this new method of military training will soon yield the following basic training day: Every morning the new recruit will awake between 0500 - 0900 (whenever it is most comfortable for the G.I. to rise); The breakfast buffet will be served from 0600 - 1000 offering a wide variety of foods from around the world as well as a large host of on demand freshly squeezed juices; 1030 - 1230 all recruits are expected to show for physical training, but only will engage in such strenuous activity if they feel up to it ... if not, there's always tomorrow; 1230 - 1430 buffet lunch; 1430 - 1530 alone time with sarge to discuss his training methods and how you feel about them so he can become a better instructor and the recruit can effectively communicate his likes and dislikes about his treatment since he arrived at basic training; 1530 - 1800 target practice at the range ... but only if the recruit's personal feelings toward firearms are not compromised and his beliefs are not disrespected. If he is one to object to, or has an issue with, shooting any type of weapon, he may then go to his barracks to have some personal time to do with as he chooses; 1800 - 2000 ritzy catered dinner buffet; 2000 - 2200 nightly campfire sing along and swap meet with other soldiers; 2200 - 2215 fluff feather bed; 2215 - 2230 sarge comes in to tuck everyone in and read them a bedtime story; 2230 - 0500 sleep. Ladies and gentlemen, this is why the rest of the world laughs at us.

Reading, Writing, And AR-15s

2006-10-05T20:18:00.000-07:00

In the wake of three school shooting incidents in the last two weeks, Rep. Frank Lasee (Wisconsin) plans to introduce legislation that will permit teachers, principals, administrators, and other school personnel to carry concealed weapons. Lasee stressed that the measure would hinge on school staff members getting strict training on the use of the weapons, and also some work would be needed on the law that currently bans guns on school property. Now ... I consider myself quite a second amendment supporter and enthusiast, but this really has to be nothing more than a reactionary response to the recent turn of events which is really nothing more than a handful of sick individuals. Think about it ... how many schools are in this country? And, how many of them have absolutely nothing happen everyday. The only reason people pick schools to open fire in is because of the fact it brings instant and guaranteed national notoriety ... nothing else. Rather than start our own little school club militia, why don't we keep the school faculty focused on what their intended purpose really is ... teaching children. Just look at the product of their work now, many high school graduates read at elementary school level and can't even perform basic mathematics ... and now they are considering arming teachers?

It's Not How Big The Information Is ... It's All In How You Use It

2006-10-02T23:07:00.000-07:00

Condoleezza Rice offered a rebuttal at press conference today against the allegations recently printed in Bob Woodward's book "State of Denial", that during a July 10th meeting with then CIA chief George Tenet warnings of eminent terrorist attacks were ignored. "I don't know that this meeting took place, but what I really don't know, what I'm quite certain of, is that it was not a meeting in which I was told there was an impending attack and I refused to respond." Rice said ... what she's trying to say, I'm not really sure ... looks like political double talk to me. It never ceases to amaze how some people just have knack for speaking for long periods of time and saying absolutely nothing, leaving the rest of us just scratching our heads and parting with more questions than when we started. Although Dr. Rice may not actually recall whether or not this information was presented to her, it's a pretty safe bet she can remember where she got her hair cut around that same time ... hey, we all have priorities.

If Teachers "Touch The Future", Return The Favor And Thank Them In Advance For The Upcoming National Identity Crisis

2006-09-29T18:56:00.000-07:00

Remember when you were in elementary school and on your birthday your mother would send along (or even come by in person to deliver) cupcakes or a birthday cake? The entire class would get to break from the normal day, and take part in a short lived sugar eating contest to celebrate the day you were brought into this world. Well, today I heard something troubling ... in the public school system's quest to jam equality rather than homemade delicacies down the throats of all pupils, moms are forced to make only healthy (not such a bad idea there) birthday snacks and also required to list all ingredients included in the food preparation. "Why?" you ask ... because if one, and only one, of the students is allergic to any of the materials used in the construction of mom's care package, none of the children get to eat any of it at all. Yes ... it's just a lousy cake, pudding cup, or even carrot strips. But what really bakes my noodle here is this; We are teaching children at an early age that if something doesn't fit their bill, the entire group involved must go without for the benefit of one. What ever happened to taking one for the team? How ironic, the old saying of "There is no I in team!" still holds true ... only now, the selfish version seems to be widely accepted in society. Things go wrong in life, not everything always works out happy in the end, and you really can't win them all all the time! I'd much rather have kids that were able to adapt and overcome, rather than have kids that don't give a second thought about hopping right in to the PC line ... just like they're supposed to.

Finally ... An Honest Politician!

2006-09-27T19:31:00.000-07:00

"Most people don't have the luxury of living to be 80 years old, so it's hard for me to feel sorry for them." - Phil Gramm

Pharmaceutical Frenzy

2006-09-25T20:23:00.000-07:00

Okay ... everybody knows somebody who is a constant pill popper. Pills to wake up, pills to go to sleep, pills to mellow out, and pills to .. uh ... well ... "bring things up to speed". Where does this love affair with prescription medication end? Granted, pharmaceutical companies are doing an amazing job to prevent illnesses and assist those to live a better life that suffer from ailments ... but give me a break! The least little sniffle and parents are running their kids to the ER to get checked immediately. My personal favorite is popular abuse of antibiotics. That same kid who may have a cold is prescribed a healthy dose of antibiotics for no other reason than to make the mom and dad feel better. Hello ... a cold is a viral infection, not a bacterial infection ... basically, the pills have no effect on the outcome of the sickness (other than give Jr. a care of the runs). Is this fascination with instant healing nothing more than a product of the instant world we live in today?

Jackass: The Title Says It All

2006-09-24T16:31:00.000-07:00

The opening of the new Jackass movie this weekend brought in an estimated $28.1 million dollars during its debut weekend. Van Toffler, president of MTV’s music and film group, quoted Johnny Knoxville as saying "Holy s%$t, we’ve done it again. What is wrong with the country?" The apparent success of these films featuring a wide variety of stunts, dares, and just plain mayhem really offers an interesting glimpse into the American psyche. Don't get me wrong, I as do millions of other Americans find stupid people doing stupid things extremely entertaining, and look forward to seeing the movie ... that's why I just can't get enough of COPS, Worlds Wildest Police Chases, and You Gotta See This. But just imagine what sort of impression we make on the rest of this world after they view something like this. No wonder why Americans are not so well received across the globe.

Did You Check In The Lost And Found?

2006-09-20T22:33:00.000-07:00

"President Bush said Wednesday he would order U.S. forces to go after Osama bin Laden inside Pakistan if he received good intelligence on the fugitive al Qaeda leader's location.", the associated press reported today. But unfortunately, "good intelligence" is what got us into the Iraq thing in the first place ... or so we're led to believe. With the technology available today, not to mention the technology which remains classified, I find it really hard to accept the fact that our resources just can't seem to find Osama bin Laden ... there's only so many caves out there. I'm sorry, but the whole hiding in a cave theory just conjures up thoughts of guys with long, thick beards and towels on their heads popping up from old hollowed out tree stumps and sneaking out from behind fake rocks like in Hogan's Heroes. Personally I think the main objective is not to find him because he's really never been lost, but rather keep him secluded where he is because he will do less damage alive sneaking out video tapes from 101 Rock Cut Way than if he were killed and consequently martyred by his supporters.

It Looks Good On Paper

2006-09-17T20:37:00.000-07:00

Today I saw a television commercial for yet another "earn your degree at home" company. Although I never really paid any attention (as most of us probably don't) to these "learn at your pace and your schedule" academic enrichment classes, today I did. Now I understand that home schooling techniques yield results that equal or surpass classroom studies ... but how can a person earn a degree in computer repair, heating and air conditioning mechanic, electrician, motorcycle repair, and especially diesel mechanic from the comfort of their own home? All of these skills require hands on learning ... do they mail you a diesel engine to dismantle and reassemble? In conjunction with all manuals and books, does the heating class package come with a torch, solder and boiler? And if so ... how will they know if you put it together correctly? And if you did ... then what ... there's now a boiler sitting in your living room! Just imagine what a great conversation piece a rebuilt diesel engine would make in your den! Besides, what employer really puts any merit to a trades degree earned from home? Such a sheepskin would more than likely only be useful in one particular "office" in the company.

Useless Trivia Fact #8

2006-09-16T21:45:00.000-07:00

According to Guinness, the longest recorded bout of hiccups lasted for 65 years.

Birds Of A Feather ...

2006-09-13T22:13:00.000-07:00

After a break in at the CapitalOne Bank in Texarkana, Texas, the financial institution took the offensive in preventing another such incident from occurring. The culprit ... a pigeon. Somehow this criminal mastermind not only figured out how to infiltrate the bank's perimeter defenses (such as windows, walls and roofing) and penetrate the state of the art security system, but also had the audacity to defecate on a patron (an obvious display of superiority). So the bank decided it was time to send a message to those thousands of other pigeons out there, and called in the exterminator who strategically placed poisoned corn on the roof in an attempt to cause illness and ( ... I guess) fear of this particular building among the pigeon community. Unfortunately, the fact that wild animals will flock to a prevalent food source and feed until they are full was overlooked ... and now the city is plagued by dying birds dive bombing the public below. I guess buying a fake owl would have just been too easy of a solution.

Five Years Later

2006-09-11T22:47:00.000-07:00

Patoooohee ... sorry, I'm still trying to get that bad taste out of my mouth after watching President Bush's address from the oval office tonight. September 11th should be a day to reflect on the lives lost from the terrorist attacks five years ago, and not an opportunity to try as sell his "war on terror" (yet again) to the American public. This obvious choice of bad judgment on Mr. Bush's part (in my opinion) can only be viewed as a last ditch effort to try and reach as many Americans as possible while they are tuning to evening news coverage, because any other means of catching their interest by His Presidency have been completely unsuccessful ... simply put, the public just doesn't want to hear his crap anymore. I can only imagine what sort of presidential poo poo address we can all expect to hear on Pearl Harbor Day and the trifecta to follow on Memorial Day.

On 9/11/01, FDNY lost 343 ... you will never be forgotten my brothers. 5 5 5 5.

Telephone Poles: Soon To Be Only Found In Museums?

2006-09-08T21:26:00.000-07:00

My wife got a new cell phone plan the other day, and had an off the wall thought. How long will it be until land line phones companies are pretty much non existent? For about half the cost of a home phone, she can answer calls no matter where in the country she is, make calls to anywhere in the country without incurring any long distance charges, enjoy all the same features that land line service offers, and can call people at night and on weekends without putting a single dent in the plan's minute package. Many people I know don't even want the hassle of another phone to manage. And since the popularization of internet VoIP (Voice over Internet Protocol), others have switched their entire phone system over to programs that incorporate their broadband or DSL connection into functioning, reliable, and inexpensive telecommunication devices. So anyone care to take a guess as to when land lines become completely washed up, because I really don't think it's too far into the future.

Cigar Anyone?

2006-09-07T21:28:00.000-07:00

ABC is set to launch a new mini-series entitled "The Path to 9/11" that spotlights the events leading up to the terrorist attacks. And before the final editing has even been completed, politicians and other intelligence heavyweights are up in arms about the how factual this piece really is. Ironically, the ones making most of the fuss and demanding the show be either corrected or abandoned are the members of the former Clinton administration ... like they have any room to criticize anyone for handing the public bogus information and putting their own personal needs above the county's. Yeah yeah yeah, all the Clinton supporters will be filling up my inbox with claims of economic prosperity and low unemployment hoopla ... like that stuff just happens overnight after a wave of the presidential magical wand, give me a break! Anyway, my point is ... what are these people so afraid of? We, the majority of the American public, may actually get a glimpse of the early multiple warning signs that they chose to ignore and not take seriously? Or are they really upset over the validity of the material? Given the reputation of former President Clinton ... I'm leaning toward option 1.

... Smart Man

2006-09-05T19:28:00.000-07:00

"Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power." - Abraham Lincoln

When You Number Is Up ... It's Up

2006-09-04T20:45:00.000-07:00

Steve Irwin, the enthusiastic Australian "Crocodile Hunter", passed away after being attacked by a stingray while shooting a TV program off Australia's north coast. He has for years, he has captivated audiences with his wildlife documentaries that employed less than unorthodox techniques in getting up close and personal with the native (and very often deadly) animals. Aside from his television work, Steve Irwin was also a passionate environmental conservationist and will always be fondly remembered in both capacities. But honestly, when you get down to it, you can only tempt fate so many times ... eventually you lose.

Bigger Is Better

2006-09-03T21:40:00.000-07:00

I saw a newscast from cnn today that left me with my jaw hanging open. Apparently, even kids are not immune from fashionable medication. Parents across the country are injecting their kids daily with growth hormones because their children (who range from ages 6-16) are short. That's right ... there's nothing medically wrong with them ... they're just short. Some parents were quoted as saying something to the effect of "What chance would my son have in the business world if his adult height turned out to be only 5'1" to 5'5"?" Other parents were quick to cite that smaller kids get picked on more at school, and administering growth hormones gives their children a more level playing field. In return fire, some of the interviewed experts claimed that although these hormones do in fact work, the problem really isn't with the child's height ... it is more than likely a lack of parenting skills in the teaching of basic social skills and a forgoing of instructing their children how to become adaptive to situations and learning to be resourceful. Other interviewed medical professionals said that quite simply, it's nothing more than parents designing what kind of kids they want. Either way you look at it this increased height doesn't come cheap, the average cost of this altitude enhancement goes for about $50,000 an inch! Gee ... tough choice here ... build my son four inches taller, or use that money to actually do something productive ... like send him to college!!!.

"You've Got Mail"

2006-09-01T23:16:00.000-07:00

Radio Shack, holding true to it's announced plans to cut back the amount of employees working at the Fort Worth headquarters by about 400, did begin to notify personnel that their employment there was terminated immediately ... via email. That's right, the company did not even have enough nerve to sit these individuals down with a supervisor and address them face to face ... kind of like when you stop in a local Radio Shack retail store and have to practically beg the 18 year old nerd who works there to help you because he too busy either playing with the display computers or on the phone with his buddies. Quite frankly, I'm really not sure how the company has managed to stay in business, let alone remain competitive with all the other national chain stores out there. Finding out that employee terminations were cowardly issued via electronic messaging just seems to put the last piece in the puzzle for this outfit in my opinion. As a severance compensation, employees got one to three weeks pay for each year of service, up to 16 weeks for hourly employees and 36 weeks for those with base bay of at least $90,000. I wonder if that was direct deposited?

Personal Diaries Gone Hi-Tech

2006-08-30T23:14:00.000-07:00

After having an issue with identity theft (believe it or not ... someone actually wanted to be me), I have learned how easy it can be for someone to become you ... and quite frankly, it involves virtually no effort at all on the thieves part. I read an article today about how when people buy new cell phones, they typically either give their old phone to a friend or sell it for a minimal amount just to get rid of it. Either way, even if the old owner follows the memory deletion process perfectly, private information such as; credit card numbers, bank accounts and passwords, personal and corporate emails, contacts, old text messages and anything else that was ever stored or sent/received can be retrieved by inexpensive software found on the internet. Basically, a $40 cell phone bought from eBay can potentially be transformed into the best identity theft tool on the market. We are truly in the information age.

Pilots Needed Apply Inside ... Literacy Optional

2006-08-29T21:00:00.000-07:00

Comair Flight 5191 departing Blue Grass Airport Lexington, Kentucky crashed yesterday morning killing all 47 passengers and two of the three crew members on board, only the flight's first officer survived but sustained critical injuries. The National Transportation Safety Board (NTSB) has found that the control tower did not have the required amount of personnel inside, as mandated by the FAA, to safely operate. What's worse is that a review of the recorded airport radio communications revealed that flight 5191 was cleared for takeoff on runway 22 and the pilot, again required by law, repeated his clearance for runway 22 back to the controller ... yet somehow attempted to depart on runway 26. Obviously the screening process for pilots is not nearly as rigorous as it is for the passengers. As if missing the taxi signs that indicate which runway you're about to enter weren't enough, the ace pilot also missed the painted numbers on the runway, the fact that the runway lights were not even lit signifying a closed runway, never bothered to check the compass heading (which would coincide with the runway number), and must have been too busy to listen to the airport ATIS before takeoff. It's comforting to know that commercial airline passengers are forbidden from packing even they're basic essential toiletries in the name of homeland security, and the people at the stick and rudder can't even read.

Iraq: v2.0

2006-08-27T19:31:00.000-07:00

I was thinking about the situation in Iraq over the weekend after I had read about some British troops that pulled out of a base to go home. The minute after they had left, Iraqi citizens wasted no time stripping the place clean of everything ... and I mean everything. Piping, sheet metal, wood, wiring ... anything, no matter how insignificant, was quickly tossed into the back of a pickup trucks in a finders keepers manner. Supposing these supplies were needed for basic living needs, this truly puts into perspective the dire situation in which these citizens live and further supports the theory that honestly ... our boys will never get out of there. Supposing these supplies were taken for resale and personal profit, again reaffirms the poor living conditions Iraqis face daily ... although one could argue that this could also be a landmark step in free enterprise too. Regardless, since we have found no weapons of mass destruction our purpose for toppling the government and occupying the country really has no point at all (excluding keeping our thumb on their oil supply). But now, we can't just up and leave because we have completely disrupted their way of life and the U.S. would carry a black eye for abandoning a needy country. What a mess indeed. Any way you look at it, when we pull out Iraq will ultimately fall right back to its old ways and habits rendering our efforts completely moot. Didn't we learn anything from Vietnam?

Preferential Treatment Of "Stars": Too High For The Law To Reach?

2006-08-24T23:07:00.000-07:00

Michael Jackson is back in the news again, but this time (for once) the publicity has nothing to do with the mistreatment of children. Apparently, Michael Jackson has monetarily fallen behind with a local art gallery that he hired to frame some of his paintings as well as still owes for the purchasing of dozens of Norman Rockwell prints (all of children at play) and wanted them all framed as well. Since the gallery owner needs to settle the tab, the anonymous business person is considering auctioning off these two enormous mural portraits created by Jackson on eBay. Oddly enough, both paintings are self portraits (go figure); one depicts Michael frolicking with Peter Pan and the other is of him dancing in a rainbow of colors. Although the profits from the proposed sale would not benefit Jackson directly, I'm sure these two paintings would rake in quite a few bucks if auctioned online. When is the public finally going to give up on and ignore this sicko? "King of Pop" my foot ... the man is a walking freak show that harms kids. If he were anyone else, he would be registered on the Megan's Law list ... what else is there to say?

Now Here's How To Cook The Books!

2006-08-23T22:43:00.000-07:00

A Farmingville, New York woman allegedly stole more than $2.3 million from her employer between June 2002 and November 2005 to buy lottery tickets. Annie Donnelly, who was employed as a doctors office bookkeeper, would write company checks for cash, petty cash, or checks payable to herself and falsely list them as payments to vendors associated with the medical office in order to purchase as much as $6,000 worth of lottery tickets a day ... imagine getting stuck in line behind her! The local Assistant District Attorney had this to day; "She obviously had a gambling problem, she appeared to be caught up in the high of winning." ... although I personally would beg to differ about the whole "winning" thing. Upon reading this story, I've learned two life lessons; 1) This is proof positive that no matter how much money you spend on lottery tickets, you'll never hit it big. 2) I should have went to Med school, because what's more amazing to me than the fact she blew this enormous amount of cash on Powerball and scratch off tickets is that nobody noticed such a substantial sum of money went missing ... man, I'm in the wrong business!

Public Health Nazis Strike Again

2006-08-22T21:23:00.000-07:00

British censors plan to go through Tom And Jerry cartoons frame by frame to edit out all scenes in which any of the characters are smoking. I guess the Brits run a an extremely close second place to the United States when it comes to not seeing the forest from the trees. British broadcasting censors feel that children watching this program may be more inclined to use tobacco products after seeing their television friends do so, so in the name of public health Tom and Jerry will be going cold turkey. Violent scenes which include anything from intentional electrocution, to being cut into tiny pieces with a butcher knife, to deliberate pyrotechnical displays with the intent of inflicting bodily harm, to tricking someone to eat their own tail ... that content is perfectly acceptable for young viewers with developing brains and would never be tried or imitated. This type of censorship bothers me because smoking is one of the many choices adults make ... just like any other lifestyle choice we make like consuming alcohol, how we drive, or the language we pick to use in our vocabulary. Rather than raise children who demand the world to change for them, "brats", why not teach children to respect adults and the privileges of choice that adults earn with age? Don't get me wrong here, I'm all for teaching kids about living a healthy lifestyle ... but not if it comes with a price tag of putting yet another ignorant, self important, intolerant, close-minded box head in the world.

Making The Grade

2006-08-21T23:15:00.000-07:00

Recently, Consumer Reports hired an independent firm to create 5,500 new computer viruses in an attempt to test the makers of virus protection programs ability to discover and/or detect unexpected threats. In return, the software manufacturers and distributors were outraged, citing the unwritten principle that creating and releasing such malware was unethical and potentially dangerous. What are the software companies afraid of ... that their products won't work and Consumer reports will publicize that their virus protection and malware removing products are worthless? As a computer owner, wouldn't you like to know how your digital defenses stacked up against the others? I would. How come you don't see auto makers up in arms about safety advocacy groups taking their brand new products and smashing them for the sake of issuing a crash rating? They too could claim the test results are slanted, but they don't. Auto manufacturers have faith in their product.

Coup Anyone?

2006-08-19T20:35:00.000-07:00

As if our military isn't already spread out all over the world "defeating terrorism", now we can add Lebanon to the long laundry list of countries President Bush feels that the United States needs to intercede what's currently going on there with military action to defeat terrorism. In a radio address Mr. Bush stated, "We will defeat the terrorists by strengthening young democracies across the broader Middle East." My interpretation of that remark? Simply put, we will invade and occupy any country whose government does not fit our agenda, or that we cannot easily influence to meet our needs. I guess after the judge ruled Bush's phone tapping program unconstitutional the other day, George W. went back the White House, kicked the dog in the ribs, and decided the American public eye is still too well focused on his complete disregard of their constitutional rights, and the only way get it looking in the other direction was to start more wars. Thank God the presidential term is only four years long ... and he just hasn't found the time to get around to changing that one yet.

Who Has Driven A Ford Lately?

2006-08-18T20:48:00.000-07:00

There ... it finally happened ... the American public has finally spoken! Ford Motor Company announced it will temporary shut down 10 assembly plants across North America in an effort to cut its fourth-quarter production by 21 percent. Due to a withering demand for pickups and SUVs, the auto giant has no choice but to pull back production. I, like countless other Americans, would like to attribute this lack of vehicle sales to that overplayed possibilities commercial that is yet, many months after it's debut, still airing on just about every commercial break on every network. I do feel sorry for the families whose relatives may be out of work due to this cutback ... but, I would like to take this opportunity to say IN YOUR FACE FORD ADVERTISING EXECS!!! Maybe you should take your own advice and "go where you want ... do what you please" ... AND FIND ANOTHER JOB!!! Apparently the old adage was incorrect about hearing something enough times and it becoming the believed truth, because trying to sell cars through subconscious repetitious advertising obviously didn't pan out for you ... God knows you've tried.

Earth: Eventually In The Bulls Eye?

2006-08-17T22:32:00.000-07:00

Good news ... the International Astronomical Union has set up a special task force to monitor the heavens for comets and asteroids that can potentially strike the Earth, although there are currently no counter measures in place (or even close to being developed) for such a situation should the group find a space object that may be on a crash course with this planet. But, at least I can now sleep easier at night knowing somebody is watching out for me ... whew, what a load off my mind. I guess that early detection for this kind of event is essential for getting the word out quickly around the world so everybody has a chance to be informed as to what is about to kill us all ... because the world does have a right to know. What's worse is that anyone surviving such a disaster (providing the damage is localized) is really in for shocker when they find out their insurance policies for their home, car, business and just about everything else, only cover meteor damage ... not asteroid or comet damage. Boy, that would just ruin my day.

AOL Set To Dig For Buried Treasure

2006-08-16T20:51:00.000-07:00

Last year, America Online won a $12.8 million dollar settlement against Davis Wolfgang Hawke (and won the case by default judgment because Hawke failed to appear in court) after suing him for violating federal and state anti-spam laws by sending unwanted e-mails to its subscribers. Since that judgment, AOL has been unable to make contact with Mr. Hawke to collect the court ordered payment ... go figure. Apparently, the internet spamming business is quite lucrative because experts believe Hawke and his business partners earned more than $600,000 each month (much of it cash) by sending unwanted sales pitches over the internet for everything from loans to pornography to jewelry and prescription drugs. Not to be outdone, AOL has been doing their homework and has discovered receipts that supposedly prove Davis Hawke purchased quantities of gold and platinum bars, and it is believed that he buried these possessions in his parents yard to avoid them being seized by authorities. Now ... here's where it gets really strange. The court has granted permission for AOL to proceed with excavation of the property in an attempt to "recover hidden assets". And although the company intends to use bulldozers and geological teams to hunt for gold and platinum on their property, AOL said it will try to accommodate Hawke's parents by not being too obtrusive. I'm really at a loss as to how the court system has the right to set up a makeshift mine on your property without the owner's consent and based solely on circumstantial evidence.

One Small Screw Up For NASA ... One Giant Leap Towards Decommission

2006-08-15T20:09:00.000-07:00

As if NASA needs any more damaging publicity, today media outlets are reporting that the original tapes of the first moonwalk recorded on July 20, 1969 are missing and cannot be found. In all, some 700 boxes of transmissions from the Apollo lunar missions have gone AWOL. NASA spokesman Grey Hautaloma said "We haven't seen them for quite a while. We've been looking for over a year and they haven't turned up." He went on to say further that the material was held by the National Archives but returned to NASA sometime in the late 1970s and "We're looking for paperwork to see where they last were". It's bad enough that the tapes went missing and didn't turn up in over a year ... it's worse that next a public spokesman for the organization then tells reporters they can't find them ... and worse yet that nobody can even find the paperwork as to their whereabouts! For crying out loud, when a moon rock goes on public tour it's more heavily guarded than NASA's own data records!

Jerry Springer? Who Next ... "Mini Me" From Austin Powers???

2006-08-14T23:25:00.000-07:00

I have never been a fan of ABC's Dancing With The Stars, but I might actually tune in to the season premiere on September 12th for no other reason than because Jerry Springer will make his dancing debut. As do many other Americans, I love catching an episode of the Jerry Springer Show when I can. Even though we all know the guests are actors, there's just something about the rawness of the show we all can relate to ... and for just about all of us, secretly enjoy. ABC is really taking their life in their hands with this one because ballroom dancing will never be the "gentle" sport that it was once considered after Springer gets through with it. I can see it now ... the crowd shouting "Jerry! ... Jerry! ... Jerry!" And one can only imagine what would happen if Springer got voted off ... fist fights in the audience, chairs flying through the air ... the entire set would be pandemonium! Now that is something I would make a point to watch every week. Maybe I'll start my own reality t.v. series called "Ballroom Dance Hall Crashing", and every week the contestant with the lowest combined score of; items destroyed/people injured/and destructive intent and presentation will be voted off by the viewers ... I'd bet the ratings would be through the roof.

Useless Trivia Fact #7

2006-08-13T20:18:00.000-07:00

The odds of being injured by a toilet seat in your lifetime are 1 in 6,500.

Point To Ponder

2006-08-12T20:59:00.000-07:00

Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the universe you believe them ... but if they tell you a wall has wet paint, you will have to touch it to be sure?

Past The Point Of Practical

2006-08-11T23:29:00.000-07:00

After the recent terrorist plot had been foiled by British authorities, airports around the globe have beefed up security measures for all commercial flights whether they be domestic or international in nature. In addition to even more rigorous searches and screenings, passengers can also expect extremely longer wait times for boarding clearance and can bet on delayed (if not cancelled) flights. Because of the information that came to light about the planned bombings, airline travelers are now forbidden to carry any type of liquid or gel. All such items will be confiscated by security screening personnel and promptly discarded in the trash. Between the extended wait times, redundant carry on baggage screenings, background checks, lack of basic hydration, and hoping the security computer likes your last name enough not to flag you and cause hours of proving your identity to federal agents that assume your a terrorist until proven otherwise ... it may just be easier and less aggravating to drive.

Sometimes It's Just Better To Quit While You're Ahead

2006-08-10T20:06:00.000-07:00

A Las Vegas defense attorney's case was thrown out of court the other day when he allegedly showed up intoxicated for trial. Joseph Caramango explained to the judge that he had been drinking the night before, and was 90 minutes late for the proceedings because his car was rear ended on the way to the courthouse. Mr. Caramango brought a woman that he claimed to be his girlfriend as a witness to support his story. But when questioned she not only told the judge that he introduced her by the wrong name, she also stated that the two had only met twenty minutes ago in a coffee shop. The client Mr. Caramango was representing on this day was on trial for an alleged kidnapping, and faces a possible life sentence in jail. I guess is some cases, it pays in more ways than one to go with the court appointed lawyers. On the bright side, if Mr. Caramango's career as a criminal defense attorney doesn't pan out ... there's no doubt in my mind there is a great future for him in DUI representation.

The Obits Have Gone High Tech

2006-08-09T19:56:00.000-07:00

In today's world of instantaneous information and communication, I guess it was only a matter of time until a website offered death alerts to the device of your choice. Eons.com is a site geared for the baby boomers era that offers a wide variety of health tips and other services ... but keyword based death alerts is just a little over the top for me. I've always been the sort of person that got a little frightened when the local funeral director would call you by your nickname and say "see ya later". Some may argue that such a service would prove to be quite useful to individuals that have moved considerable distances from their roots or others who have claimed residency in multiple places over the years. Here's the part I don't understand ... if you didn't bother to keep in touch with them when they were alive, what difference does it make if you found out they were dead?

A Chance For The Family To Be All They Can Be

2006-08-08T20:30:00.000-07:00

The Army shot down a developer’s proposal Tuesday to build a military theme park on a Virginia Army base. Universal City Property Management, the Florida based developer, wanted to erect a theme park at Fort Belvoir, a few miles from the nation’s capital. The proposed theme park would offer such attractions as a chance to "command the latest M-1 tank" and to "feel the rush of a paratrooper free fall." The Army has since rejected the idea of a park that would "put you in an interactive world where you’ll feel firsthand what it’s like to defend American freedom." (as the developer put it) because they feel war is a serious engagement and should not be trivialized. Personally, I was hoping to take a turn on the IED ride where I could watch my partner blown to bits by a roadside bomb and then taste test a some of Iraq's finest and freshest nerve gases and blistering agents. And if we have time I'd really love to try my hand at "Be A Field Surgeon Without Training Or Supplies Challenge", I've heard nothing but rave reviews of about the incredible realism. War is Hell people ... why would anyone want to glorify it?

Strength In Numbers ... Not Smarts

2006-08-07T23:38:00.000-07:00

It never ceases to amaze me that when the number of people involved in something increases, the average I.Q. of the group decreases. By nature, human beings are pretty intuitive problem solvers. So one would only think that when many heads were put together, the limits the group could achieve would seem endless. Well once again tonight I have been reassured that when a large group of people convene with a common goal, absolutely nothing gets accomplished. And when these individuals are at their peak performance, it's not uncommon to actually finish the meeting further behind then when it was started. To all those who found themselves in this exact same situation, I offer this nugget from despair.com